Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Grown Up kid? :(

"da...was missing you very much yest...even now .. :(..also before .. :D". Now, when i am saying these words, i mean it! I really missed her. Communication is heart of life. Sometimes communicating might seem to be too early and bad..but i think there is nothing like too early or late. Instead of keeping things inside and blast like a baloon someday...its good to let them free. Till now..i have been in relation (soft corner kinda) for thrice i guess..Umm....no no..twice. The first one was just puppy love(i still wonder what is love)The next two were of more serious kind. There are soo many definitions about love..love is this ..love is that..if you love someone...blah..blah....But i dont believe in any of those :-P It is different for everone. Just like gulab jamun! Some like it, some dont like it. So, there is nothing universal that if this is the case, then it is love else, not love. Same is the case for good and bad. How do you differentiate good and bad! You like something, so it is good? you dont like something, so it is bad? Whatever we hear is "good" and "bad" is just a mindset developed by people. Sadly, i have to follow the system, coz i am a part of it :( Ok..so everytime i was in relation, i was soo much involved in it that, i was ready to commit! Yes, both the time! May be i am very weak, and always in search of some external support(apart from my own family) So, the first relation ended sadly with she getting married to some other guy(i was not settled properly..and still not), the same happened with the second one(did all the desperate measures to get settled with some good job..). In both the relations, i was serious. Not with any intention of doing tp or anything else. A big gap, 1 year passed. Then i started liking a female(hereafter, "darling") from past 1 year. But it was just like "darling darling". I never spoke to her. Just used to look at her and enjoy or may be i was jut trying to pacify myself that, "haaa...darling is there na...". pp, as you told me, maybe it was a kind of defence mechanism to get my mind occupied. Then from past few days, i was making desperate efforts to speak to her. But somewhere in a corner of my heart i was not happy with what i was doing. It was like, i was forcing my self to do it(desperate efforts) which i found disturbing me. I dont like doing things forcefully, nor do i force anyone to. Things should happen "just like that". One e.g is, "da"("darling" != "da", and vice versa) We happened to meet on some project thing. I was kind of attracted towards her. I remember she had said a statement referring to some incident "you never know". That thing stuck my mind. We never met(untill the past week). Never spoke..nothing. We used to chat on the net. We used to fight on chat and then settle it cooly :) Now all this was happening, fact. Neither she was doing it forcefully(i guess :-?) nor i. My heart is kinda bent towards her now :) This is a fact, and i dont want to deny it by saying, "no no...i want darling.". It happened, coz it was bound to happen. Now that i accepted that this is what is going in my mind..heart...i am pretty cool. Sometime back i was forcing myself against "da". I was not cool then :( coz, i was not ready to accept that this is what is going in my mind, and was forcing myself to bend towards "darling"(the desperate effotrs i was making). But then, there is a pbm here. I cant commit NOW. Reason being, dependencies :( I still dont have a stable job, and many things which are necessary! My approach is like, "make sufficient money(main ingredient) and then commit", which i have learnt from my past relationships. Money is very important! But time continues..waits for none. May be, by the time i get settled..even "da" will get comitted somewhere else. I dont like to hold someone just for my happiness. Coz then the other person wil have lost many things by that time. And the worst thing is, no one knows about the future. What if we break up, for any damn reason? Then what? pp gave me a good idea. Just dont be bothered about things. Let them go on as they are. Continue as long as. If sometime you feel that you should(if you are stable) commit, then go ahead and do it. Till then let it go as it is now. But both have to follow it. It is like putting ourselves on a "test"(pp told me) If everything is smooth, then cool :) If not, then obviously, may be i will have another post here, coz it was bound to happen! God help me! Because of this kind of thinking...i sometimes, wonder whether i am "mature enough" to get into any relation :( As of now..i just want to continue as i "feel". Dowant to be bothered more abt the future. Also you da..plz..take is as if a friend is puking out all the inner feelings :( Taking your handset was just another way of being in touch with you(as good as your handset)..coz..you like the handset more right :-? hehehehe...Missu da...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

one chance, and i will kill these blogger guys X-(

This is disgusting! I had a post by title, "darling". I wanted to add a footer, so edited the template, and guess what? My "darling" post got deleted! Literally deleted! I tried to see if i could atleast get the content back by hitting the browser back button, so that i can post it once again. But for my "unfortunate bad luck", i could not retieve the post :( I feel like fucking those guys whoever did this blogger thing :( (If you guys are reading this then take it!) This is the second time my post has been deleted. Prior to this, i had tried to post my first hello world message, and the editor crashed everytime! Now again if any posts get deleted henceforth, then i am not gonna use this blogger anymore. This is pathetic! I had posted it so nicely :(

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

random thoughts

Ok. here are some random thuoghts Most of them are influenced from one or more persons i met in my life.. :)

* Nothing is impossible nor easy! (this one is from me)
* Strong intentions lead to actions!
* Life is a continous system of discontinuity. (derived from the thought "nothing is continous")
* Things happen in a moment. You will never know when!
* If things are bound to happen, they will!
* No problem is a new one! Follow this three step procedure to get the solution : Believe that the problem can indeed be solved. Its not me who is facing the problem for the first time. Search for methods from different people who solved it. When it is time to solve the problem indeed, then give your 100%.
* Do magic in life :)
* Relations should be like air, free and so transparent!
* Wish!
* Have a child's heart.
* Dont bother, Just give your best!
* Spend some time alone.
* Blog, if you cant speak.
* Do your breakfast like a king, meals like a prince and dinner like a queen.
* Health is wealth.(this one should have been first.)
* From past six months i've been waiting to tell you this........(hehehehe....you got it pp :) )

Saturday, October 29, 2005

My third attempt to say "hello world"

This is my third attempt to say hello world to all. I was exited when i opened my blog. But unfortunately, this js editor of blogger got stuck :( I tried twice to create the post, but could not. Everytime i used to preview the post it freezed! Now this is my third attempt to post. If you are able to read it, then i am fortunate :) After persuing my friends to open their blog from past six months..i have my one here now! Well, nothing special right now..I got a new computer desk :) Its cool and sexy..actually my boss gifted me. Now he said that he is renting me, but i dont think he is gonna ask me the rent, nor will i be able to give him :) Guess instead of saying that he is gifting me the table..he said that he is renting it to me. Now, this is my feeling. I dont feel comfortable to pay him for the table. He is quite elder to me and i cant say, "Boss, here's your money for the table". I dont feel comfortable to say it. Hey boss! if u happen to read this then dont be angry..if u really want me to pay then i will! But i know you wont ask ;) Thats enough for now..Got a lot of work to do. Will post abt my other thoughts later when i get time..