Friday, July 28, 2006


When we dream, we are not aware that we are dreaming. We feel its all real. Everything in it has life, everything is real. We do all that we do in what we call the so called reality. We cry, we eat, we smell, we feel the touch, we feel the pain.... we live in it. Its only that when we wake up, we see its all gone. We try to recall, we only have a faint memory. But we are soo real in our dreams. So is life, a dream. What we do at this moment, its gone. I spent some 15 minutes sitting in front of the editor. Its no more. I wont get it back. Every small action we do, every single moment we spend will never come back. When we try to recall, we only remember the moments that we adore the most or the moments of pain... etc. In reality, every single breathe we take is memorable. We dont wake up the same every morning. We dont brush our teeth the same way, the same direction, the toothpaste is not the same quantity.... it may be a new paste all together. Nothing is the same, things change, but the magnitude of change is very small. Its soo small that we hardly think about it. We use the same toothbrush for an year or so. The same soap, the same paste.... we wear clothes taken years ago. Do we see any change in them? just some threads come out, color is faded or something else. We dont see these small changes. We feel they are not significant for us. We only remember things that we feel have put a high impact on us, things, events, which change our way of thinking etc. But still, a great amount of change, is in very few people. Everything changes, nothing is stagnant. But the beauty of nature is that, if one thing changes, all other things around also change to adapt the change. This is how we have come al way long till here. See the way i jumped from dreams to changes. ok... all i say is, dreams are nothing but our life and vice versa. After a few years when i see at this blog, it will be a dream for me. The only difference is that we cant go back in dream and change things, or feel them once again. Everything happens in justa moment and we wake up. But after we wake up, we have time. If everything had happened that fast as in dreams then we would not have lived at all. There would have been no life. We can make dreams come true n live our dream instead of just cherishing it. Got many things but, no words. To write this it took me 1 hr....

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

June 22, 2006 03:15pm. Ajanta Backside Seating

OMG!! Many things happening around!! One thing which i can conclude is that the probability of uncertainty is too high, atleast around me i guess. I had written about the girl i was trying to run away errrrrrr, or take the other way around, trying to hide my feelings..supress.....i mean like her...or take in quotes "love" her.....I finally could not supress my heart and the good hearted yogi won over the cold hearted beast. I proposed her...i mean literally "proposed" her....told her that i love her and would like to be with her for the rest of my life...would like to have kids with her...would like to share all my rant with her...make her happy...listen to her....n all that happens in ones life. She said that she likes me, likes me genuinely, but does not loves me still :( well, i gotta wait for that :-? Actually i dint wanted to tell her that.....but i was kinda tired of fighting with my own self. I had to take a decision; tell her and let whatever happens or dont tell her and regret later. I chose the first option. Called her to my fav place where we hang around, and told her. I could not believe it!! Oh! c'mon, its not something you will do daily!! You do it only once, and i did it. At first she did not believe me when i said that she is the only female i have said it. Its because of my previous relations. BUT, there is one difference. First, in college, i dint know what i want. I was with that female daily....had common likings...frequencies matched i felt...yeah...i gotta be with her.... it never happened.... i never said her that i love takes a lott of guts, courage n thinking to say it to some female. It means a lott to her. Also you gotta say it only when you know what you want..... this is an important factor...knowing what you want, and this needs proper thinking.... Its not that you get married and stay for some time(some 2 -5 yars) and then say..honey...i am bored of you.... atleast not with me .. :( OMG!! I cant even think of it :-SS I never told the college female that i love her or anything.... we both liked each other...thats all. Then the relation with a female while working.... same happened here.... we both interacted on a daily basis.... frequencies matched... likings ...etc... (pp: your cat is troubling me.) Its 0403am...will write tomorrow.....even the sleepy cat fell sleepy..... both the cases, i liked them. I was not sure i really want to be with them. (I got a deep desire attack now!!!*) It usually happens at workplaces n college...when you interact with the same person daily, you feel you can be together happily. Well...thats pretty natural i feel. We all are humans after all n we all have a heart which is made up of emotions, feelings, sentiments, compassion. its not just a piece of flesh n blood!

This is remaining as a draft for a long time in my mail account. I am gonna publish it today. What to say, serial blasts in mumbai.... i am kinda tensed. My sister and jeeja stay in mumbai. Also some relatives. All phone lines and mobiles jammed. Right now i am not in a good state to write anymore. Had many interesting things... but, some other time if i remember.
This is published.