Choice is a bad thing. The worst situatin is when you have to choose. Choose between things which you are not certain about. Actually, nothing is certain. Uncertainty is soo much dissolved in nature, life that its just not possible for one to say what is going to happen in near future.
One may debate on saying that I can tell you what will I do today, tomorrow etc. But if you think about it, its not. Some time back I had written about how people take decisons. Its about the current situation, the instance, which is considered and some assumptions made about the future that ok if a = b right now, it will be = c as b is near to c and hence a = c something like that. All I say is, you have in your hand the current situation, and you make some plans depending on it, and try to maintain it, work towards to it etc. Things might change during the course of time, which is not realised easily coz you are in the phase of getting it done. Later when you look back, you can connect the dots. Thats what Steve Jobs said in one of his speech. You cannot connect the dots in future, you can only connect them by looking back. So, the overall rant is, uncertainty.
My friend played a small game with me.
Vinod: Which choclate you want? Choclate or Pista? Choose.
Vinod: Why not Pista?
Me: Because I like choclate.
Vinod: Choose, Choclate or Pista.
Vinod: Why not Pista?
Me: Coz its sweet, and I dont like sweet.
Me: Also the last time I had it, it was not soo good(Pista)
Me: I just dont like it! Choclate is better than Pista.
Vinod: So, its not a choice. Its what you like. huh?
Me: Umm... ya.... in some sense.
Vinod: So where is the choice?
Vinod: So, essentially there is no choice.
Me: aha.... (looking at him like a curious baby) then... what is it?
Vinod: The thought of having the best of the available is soo much deeply rooted in our minds that we always think of having the best of the available.
Vinod: Just think, I asked you which choclate, and you replied in a wink of an eye that you want Choclate.
Vinod: Later when I probed again, you started giving reasons for why you want Choclate.
Vinod: So, basically the mind is soo much trained that all this reasoning happens in the background and eventually you want the best. You had the ice-cream now and you are happy. But thats not life. You wont get the best all the time. Also there is nothing as best.
Me: Ya...Everything is relative.
Me: Ok.. so there is no choice actually. There is only liking and disliking based on past knowledge.
I dont remember where the talk went further. But all I got is, that we all are selfish. Small or big, but we are. Later he said to me to release all these bonds and let your heart free and accept that things should happen naturally. I did it and I was happy. Obvios, I was happy coz things were happening naturally as I expected. But now I am not. I am not accepting things that are happening now, coz I dont expect things to happen this way. Again, I was selfish and was expecting things to happen my way.
Its difficult to practice. May be when I am 45, I may say... no... its not at all difficult ... just accept nature....coz by that time I will have lost interest in my life and may not bother....or my be not.
I forgot why I started writing this.
Ok... Fuck all the crap. I love you da...I love you too much... and I will always love you....forever and ever babe...